As one friend said to another: "Men are from Mars, women are from the planet that bosses Mars around..." This is funny... not just in a tongue-in-cheek way, but if you consider how many eons women have been dictated to and oppressed by men.
It does seem to be true that it takes some muscle to overcome out-dated norms and systemic oppression. And when it comes to the longstanding lack of equality at best, and socially accepted chronic abuse at worst, between men and women, we still have a long way to go. Current examples can be found in the continuing practice of female genital mutilation, and this story aired on NPR:
Gang Rape Pervasive Across Cambodia where Rachel Snyder reports…
“The tiny Southeast Asian country of Cambodia has seen explosive economic growth in the past five years. Skyscrapers will soon dominate the country's skyline and predictions of oil wealth offer hope that the country is finally beginning to outgrow its grisly past.
But a chilling form of recreation — gang rape — reminds everyone that for Cambodia, the past may yet still loom.”
A story well worth listening to. This is my comment on that, which includes what I think is an important first step in addressing this still quite present and aching gender gap:
“I imagine this is a really difficult story for most Americans to take in. It screams of major cultural differences. It may be that modern pornography has fueled this in a way that helps bring the problem to light, but statements like: "...they found that “bauk” (the name they’ve given to this luring of women into a place where the rape can happen) was a socially accepted form of recreation for young middle-class Khmer men.", "...the young men who commit the rapes think it's funny.", and making excuses for these assaults by saying, "There are also few recreational opportunities for young people." show that this is a much older and more deep cultural issue than the article is willing to state outright. The famous adage, "Men are gold and women are cloth. The former is easily cleaned; the latter easily stained." reveals what's likely to be a long held belief and distinction made between men and women. No doubt the genocide in 1975-1979 compounded matters here, but the fact that the Government seems to blow this off like it's nothing to get all riled-up about speaks to just how much those in control want to keep women in this subservient and denigrated role.
Although I think a strict crack-down on this is absolutely essential, educating people about the fact that this is horrific behavior, which should not be socially acceptable in any form (it's not okay to pull this on sex workers any more than 'normal' girls), is really the key to change. Simply shaming and punishing people will likely push this practice underground rather than honestly addressing the problem by being respectful of this culture with understanding that this is age-old stuff, in order to actually change this overriding cultural view towards all women.”
It’s no wonder that women, in their effort to establish respect and equality, might tend to take up the ways of man and reverse the trend by seeking to dominate as they’ve been dominated. So, in this way, I don’t blame these friends for grumping about the fact that they don’t like to be dominated either. But as long as there’s a mind-set that it’s either one or the other… whether it’s the man or the woman, only one at a time can dominate, then we’re just in a perpetual stand-off.
I tend to think it’s a subconscious perspective for most, but I do see this tendency, in men in particular, to “succumb” to being ruled, whether it be by Patriarchy or Matriarchy. Whereas I see the most natural approach of woman to be that of seeking to meet the other as an equal, without the need to override or dictate to the other. This is just a stereotype, of course, and it might be better to be putting this in the context of “estrogen” and “testosterone” rather than women and men, because truly, all of us do have a mix of both. But by shedding this hormonal light on the subject, it might offer a clue as to why, throughout history, men have a hard time giving up these so well established hierarchical norms. How do you have law, and order, and prestige without establishing dominance? Well… our Constitution is a nice step in that direction, and some of the more peaceful nations without huge military focus, like Sweden, is another. But relating openly, and deliberately, honestly as equals, is essential to bridging the gender gap. Unfortunately, there are many who are particularly invested in dominating, that don’t want to see this bridge built. I’ll have to get going on that post which explores “power over” vs. “being truly empowered”.
6 comments:
Nice post . I think that men are perhaps more of a " pack animal " than women are . We behave much differently , for the most part , in a group of other men that we do alone , especially alone with a woman . And in the presence of that group, or pack , perhaps our allegiance can pass over to that group . I think that it can be a difficult choice for a male , of whatever age , though it is certainly more of a challenge at a younger age to stand up to the group , and choose to identify with a single woman . At that point , you loose your place in the " pack " . Other men will talk about you in demeaning terms . None of this is easy , none of it is simple .
Great point Phil! We are all animals, and need to respect that piece of the whole puzzle as much as any other. That brings up the way there tends to be both great respect as well as ridicule toward a man who establishes himself as the alpha male with a harem of women, akin to many examples of this in the animal world.
The thing about the constitution, sadly, is that it was written by and for white , land owning men . In the following years , we have been able to ammend it to include women's rights , and racial equality . You can bet your bottom dollar that all of the men who signed that document were alpha males with harems . Most of them owned slaves . Their motivation, I think, was that they were being dominated themselves by the British . Very few relationships , regardless of where they exist , and between whom , are totally equal . Almost all have a dominant party . Most contain a certain element of fear as well . I always enjoyed the imagery of the novel Childhoods End , by Arthur C. Clarke. Childhood's End explores humanity's transformation and integration with an interstellar "hive mind" or Overmind. It also touches upon such matters as cruelty to animals, man's inability to live in a utopian society, and the apocalyptic concept of The Last Man on Earth. The 1953 edition of the story begins at the height of the Cold War, a few decades after the fall of the Third Reich, with attempts by both the United States and the Soviet Union to launch nuclear rockets into space for military purposes, threatening imminent doom for the planet.
The humans' arms race is brought to a halt by the sudden appearance of mysterious spaceships above all the Earth's great cities. After a week of silence and increasing tension, the aliens, who become known as the Overlords, announce by world-wide broadcast that they have benign intentions and desire to help humanity but also that they will henceforth assume the minimum amount of control which will achieve their aims. As enforcers of peace, they bring salvation and life. They also bring the death of some dreams, as humanity is no longer completely independent and may not pursue certain scientific goals, such as space exploration .
Interesting stuff . I often wonder if we will ever be able to make that leap on our own .
This story described by Phil also reminds me of "The Day The Earth Stood Still"...50's flick. Same kinda thing. I also agree with the mob mentality of men as opposed to the individual. I won't do the details here, but suffice to say I've seen it operate first hand. Once the plunder begins that is all she wrote. Humans are not always all they are cracked up to be, and for the most part of human history, humans have been anything BUT human. The species is a work in progress and it isn't always proper to define humans as the 'smart ones'. The aggressive nature of men is more than evident....it is always men that start wars. On the aggregate we are a pitiful lot with a stone age mentality. As far as procreation goes, there are many Darwinian attributes of man, that man himself has yet to overcome and/or recognize as unnecessary in the treatment of women. Modernity has failed to recognize primeval urges as such, and the forces of nature prevail over logic, reason and kindness. The state of the human experience on Earth is littered with the evidence. We must hold out for hope, and do the work that needs to be done.
As a teacher I watch bullying happen in packs that would never happen one-on-one.
I chalk up the battle of the sexes in part to the idea that giving up privilege is hard to do. When you are on the receiving end of privilege, it's hard to see that others don't share in it. There must be something lacking in them, they don't deserve it, they must not have "earned" it, etc. When others challenge your privilege, that's when you acknowledge that you might have something to lose and you suddenly become very protective of it. And protective may be a kind way to describe it. Some get downright vicious in the defense of their privilege.
For me, it comes down to dialogue, and that often starts with questions. I was raised by extremely authoritarian parents and within the Catholic Church. I have learned to ask questions, but I have to admit that I pause every time I do so because memories of what such challenges evoke are still very present for me. I am teaching my children to question, responding to their questions without going overboard in defending my privileged status as an adult. I want them to learn the art of respectful dialogue, so guess what--I've gotta practice it myself. Diana
Post a Comment